October is a month of anniversaries for me. Husband and I married 34 years ago this month, we no longer call it our anniversary, we now call it our “Day of Gratitude”. The anniversary of my son’s birth is this month, always a happy celebration. Not so pleasant, this October is the four-year anniversary of the “bomb drop”, the day I found out my husband had been unfaithful in our marriage. October is also the anniversary of starting My Path to Zen. I started this blog exactly one year ago today on the 3rd anniversary of the “bomb drop.” This was on purpose, with the support of my husband, I wanted to change the dynamic of the day, away from something so hurtful to something more positive and healing. The goal was to share my journey as a way to help myself and others going through a life challenge.
Writing My Path to Zen has been incredibly cathartic…
This blog along with journaling, meditation, counseling, family, friends, nature and many other things helped mend my broken heart. And of course, Husbands determination to make significant changes in himself and how he treats me and our relationship made it possible for us to be together and stronger than ever. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing, I still have moments of sadness but the further away October 18, 2014 gets in my rear view mirror, the stronger I am. I feel I am on the verge of truly distancing myself from the whole experience and ready to completely move on. One of my favorite quotes is “You must be willing to leave the life you planned in order to find the one waiting for you” by Joseph Campbell. But it’s scary… and part of me thinks…if I let it go completely I won’t be in control, I’ll be vulnerable. It’s crazy making and so not true!!
Buddhism says that as we work through emotional turmoil, we must first embrace negative feelings, hold them out and examine them before releasing them to the universe. Lately during meditation I’ve been focusing on completely healing my heart, taking a hard and compassionate look at what’s left of the pain. It’s working, I feel it all melting away. By acknowledging what we’re feeling, it eases the power of hurtful emotions. It’s like standing up to a bully, once we confront him, he loses his power over us. Days like today, I tend to be a little more melancholy but most days now, the emotions I feel are gratitude, compassion and love. As I look out my window on this beautiful fall day, I count my blessings and am grateful to be on the other side of the turmoil my life once was.
My Crystal Ball
As far as the future of My Path to Zen, my plan is to keep writing but perhaps change the focus. I’m not sure what that means yet, but for my own progress and growth I want to step away from writing about infidelity. I won’t make any promises but I’m ready to move on to lighter and more fun subjects. We’ll see where it goes…for sure it will still be about finding my path to Zen and inner peace.
One last thing…I’m halfway through a very interesting book: “The New Science of Transformation, How Enlightenment Changes Your Brain” by Andrew Newberg, MD & Mark Robert Waldman. Doesn’t that sound fascinating? I’ll let you know if I learn anything amazing!
Till next time…
Peace & Love,